Last Updated on: 8th March 2019, 05:41 pm
Two of the
things that nag at us and hold us back are the feelings of shame and regret,
and these feelings usually come about because we made a mistake or failed.
These circumstances make us constantly wonder about what we should have, could
have, or would have done had we known better.
A couple of
weeks ago, a prospective client contacted me, requesting that we get on a call.
However, we had a four-hour difference. I usually start taking calls at 11am
Alaska time, which is around 3pm EST. The client was wondering why I was
available only starting at 3pm.
Anyhow, to cut the story short, we did agree on a time, but instead of just saying “Great! Speak to you then!” I felt like I had to explain why I started taking calls only at 3PM EST. I explained how I started working later in the day to accommodate clients in other timezones, such as the UK, Australia, and Asia.
The minute I sent the email, I regretted having to explain myself, as I thought that it might have made her feel less important than my other clients. I felt that I wasn’t able to articulate myself well enough. Because of this “mistake,” I felt down and disappointed with myself for most of the day, preventing me from focusing on work and performing efficiently on my tasks.
I normally don’t like dwelling on regrets, as they make me very unproductive, but it still took me a day or more to get over it and forgive myself for what I felt like was a “newbie error” (I felt like it made me seem amateurish).
Anyhow, here are some of the ways by which I try to forgive myself, and perhaps you can try them, too:
Rectify the situation
If you can, try to rectify the situation by apologizing to the person you’ve offended (if this was the mistake you made) or try to correct the error, if possible.
In the case of my email poo-poo, I sent the prospective client an email, apologizing for possibly offending her. I also explained why I said what I said. That made me feel better instantly because then I was able to at least clarify my side. It removed any doubt in my mind that she might have misinterpreted what I said in my email.
She was gracious enough to email me back and assured me that she wasn’t offended but that she was really busy at the time and the time difference made it hard to coordinate a call. Well, the call never happened, but at least, I felt like we “parted” on a positive note. At least on my side, I would no longer be nagged by the thought that I might have offended someone. I tried to reach out to her, and really, that was the only thing I could do.
Learn from the mistake
One way for you to move on from regretting about the mistake you made is to learn from it. It’s more productive for you to reflect on what happened and what lessons you can learn from it than to constantly think about what you could have done differently. You’ll never be able to bring back the past, but learning from the situation should give you some solace in that you know you won’t make the same mistake again.
In my situation, the lesson I learned is to keep my responses to prospective clients as simple as possible and not to overexplain myself, especially with people whom I don’t have a relationship with, as they may take what I say out of context.
It also made me realize that my calendar won’t accommodate everyone’s schedules and so I should leave them a note that I can make adjustments to accommodate their availability, if needed. Unfortunately, I can’t set my calendar (I use Calendly) to accommodate all timezones in the world, as this would mean being available for calls 24 hours a day. Making that mistake then also gave me the comfort that at least I would no longer be making the same mistake with an important client.
Meditate
To get rid of the big lump on your chest that you usually feel when you feel bad about something or when you feel anxious, you can try to meditate. This will allow you to calm your mind and release some of the stress and anxiety you’re feeling.
For me, I just do a quick 15-minute stillness meditation. To do this, just put yourself in a comfortable position; close your eyes; and take three deep breaths. During the meditation, just clear your mind and focus on your breathing. Try not to think about anything else.
This quick meditation exercise usually calms me down.
If you’re religious, praying will also help.
Divert your attention to something productive or fun
If you can, try to focus on something like work to get your mind off what happened. For me, meeting deadlines is a great way for me to stop thinking about anything else.
However, if you can’t get yourself to focus on work or anything serious, try to divert your thoughts by doing something fun—watching TV, playing a video game, reading a book, or whatever floats your boat.
I recently started becoming more active on Instagram. I’m trying to use it to promote my blog and to “experiment” on how fast I can build an audience by posting content regularly. Anyway, most of the people I follow there are my celebrity faves (LoL), well-known entrepreneurs and motivational speakers, and cats!!! I actually have more cats than people on my feed!
Anyhow, whenever I feel bad or down, I just browse through my Instagram feed, and the sight of all those cute cats instantly make me feel better. Fortunately for me, there’s never a shortage of cats on Instagram and the Internet for that matter.
I do have my own cat whom I love to pieces, but he’s usually either sleeping or roaming around the house, so when he’s not around, I turn to Instagram or YouTube for my dose of cuteness. By the way, did you know that looking at cute things releases dopamine in your body?
By trying to make yourself feel better, you’ll be able to move on more quickly from worrying about what you’ve done.
I also read through the posts of the entrepreneurs I follow (Some of my faves are Lewis Howes and Neil Patel), and reading them encourage me and make me feel better as well.
Accept that you’re not perfect
Finally, you must accept that you’re only human and are not perfect. No matter what you do, you’re bound to make mistakes. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Imagine what you would tell a friend who’s going through the same thing you are. You’ll probably have a lot of kind words for them. Be kind to yourself, too.
We are all bound to make mistakes at various points in our life. We should be thankful for them because they help us learn, grow, and become wiser. So, the next time you feel bad about a mistake you made, feel bad about it for a short time, then pick yourself up by forgiving yourself and moving on.
In what ways do you forgive yourself for something you’ve done or not done? Please share in the comments below:
