Last Updated on: 11th January 2024, 11:12 pm
It’s ironic that we’re so interested to get to know other people, yet we don’t take the time to get to know ourselves. We always assume that we know ourselves best, but do we really?
We often receive feedback from other people, which we may resent or find surprising. This goes to show that we may not know ourselves all that well after all. Self awareness is important in self-development and in learning to love and appreciate yourself, as well as in achieving your goals. Only by truly getting to know yourself can you identify ways to become a better person.
Although I’m still trying to get to know myself and will always be a work-in-progress, here are some of the things I do to become more self aware:
Self Awareness Development Tip #1: Accept that you’re not perfect
I believe that the first step to developing self awareness is to accept that we’re not perfect. It’s pretty easy to accept our good qualities, but it can be quite difficult to admit that we have shortcomings and weaknesses, even to ourselves.
Well, just as we know that nobody’s perfect, we should acknowledge that we aren’t perfect either. As we start getting to know ourselves better, we are bound to discover a lot of our weaknesses and other not-so-desirable qualities–and we should be okay with that.
As long as we stay in self-denial, there’s no way we can truly get to know ourselves.
Self Awareness Development Tip #2: Observe patterns in your behavior
Observe patterns in your behavior and reflect on what triggers it and what its consequences are.
There was a time in my life when I was so cranky—and probably mean—without even realizing that I was acting that way. At the time, I felt that I was just responding to the negative things people did around me or the negative way I was being treated.
People kept telling me that I was perhaps being unreasonable, but of course, I believed I was responding the way other people naturally would.
It was only much later that I realized that there may have been some truth in my actions being unreasonable. I realized that I was constantly tired, stressed out, and anxious, which made me lash out at anyone who did something against me or whose actions I didn’t like.
As an achiever (according to my Strengthsfinder test), I’ve always studied well when I was younger. I hardly took the time to play or watch TV. The only fun thing I did was read fiction. Fast forward to some 15 years later, and I was still not taking time out to rest and have fun. I had an eight-hour corporate job and when I went home, I still worked for four to five hours on freelance jobs. What’s more, I couldn’t complete all my freelance tasks during the work week, which meant they’d spill over to the weekend.
The only rest I got was sleep, and I didn’t even go out to meet friends. This lifestyle went on even after I quit my corporate job and was working freelance full time. I thought going freelance would give me more time to do non-work stuff, but achiever me wanted me to work as long as I had the energy to. Since I was working from home, that meant working very long hours.
On top of this, I figured should undergo physical therapy, which I didn’t have time for in the past. Since I was then working freelance, I should have had more time for it, right? However, since I was accepting more and more work, I went to my physical therapy sessions very tired and sleepy, which made it pointless.
I later went to a retreat and when we were asked to imagine looking at a mirror and seeing the person who did us the most wrong, the person I saw was myself. I realized then that I was being mean to myself and that I was pushing myself unnecessarily hard. For more on the things I started taking out of my life, see my post on the 23 things you should not put up with. You may also want to read about the 20 things I started welcoming in my life.
All this led me to understand that the reason I was being so cranky all the time and that I was being seemingly (just because I never intended to be so) mean was because I was too tired and stressed out.
This has taught me that I can push myself only too much and that I should give myself a break, too. This is why I started my own company–so I could build my business around my lifestyle and not the other away around. As a freelancer, I was still pretty much at my clients’ mercy—so-to-speak—when it came to deadlines, workload, and schedules, which can quickly turn hectic.
Now, I know that the only way I can avoid lashing out at people is to ensure that I get enough rest and that I never get too stressed out. I now take time to pause and meditate whenever I feel stress or anxiety starting to creep in. I’d like to believe I am now more patient with and understanding of others.
Although it may take time, observing the patterns in your behavior and honestly assessing what causes it will help you improve the way you conduct yourself.
Self Awareness Development Tip #3: Reflect on the way people respond or react to what you say or do
Sometimes people respond to us in ways we don’t understand. It can be that people easily get offended by what we say even when we don’t mean any harm, which probably means that we’re not communicating our messages properly.
Not everyone will tell you directly what they think of what you said or did, but you may gain some insight from the way they respond or react to it, especially if it frequently happens.
In my case, my colleagues from when I was working in corporate seemed to think that I was bossy, which they resented. They never said so, but it was the impression I got.
I didn’t understand why they thought of me that way then, but I later realized that it was probably because of the tone of my voice or my manner of communicating.
I didn’t really know how to change the tone of my voice (to sound sweet or something), and I honestly felt that it was unnecessary because I felt it was too patronizing. Also, I tend to be blunt and straightforward. I don’t like sugarcoating as I feel that’s insincere. But since I saw people continuing to seem offended by the way I communicated, I now make the effort to use a softer tone and to be less blunt.
Gaining insight on how people react or respond to you will help you adjust the way you behave around them, in turn improving your relationships with them.
Self Awareness Development Tip #4: Consider other people’s feedback about you
As the Johari Window model indicates, there are aspects about us that are unknown to us but are known to others. As such, we should consider all the feedback we get about us.
I used the word “consider” instead of “listen” because not everything they say about us is true. We should still be able to assess the validity of the feedback we get, especially the negative ones, but for the most part, we should at least consider and reflect on the feedback we get and try to gain insight from them.
Other people’s feedback is a great way for us to learn about our strengths and weaknesses. This is actually how I learned that I could write well. Since I was a child and up to now, I get a lot of feedback—from teachers then; clients now; and some friends or family here and there—that I write well. Although I didn’t have any formal education in writing (I graduated with a degree in Computer Science)—the feedback I constantly got made me confident to pursue a career in writing.
I also get a lot of feedback from friends that they thought I was stand-offish and unapproachable at first because of my quietness and because I hardly smile at them. They tell me that they realized those impressions were not true only after they got to know me. Because of this, I now try to smile and greet people more despite the effort it takes (I’m still really shy).
Other people can help you learn things about yourself that you probably don’t even know.
Self Awareness Development Tip #5: Seek other people’s feedback
While some people may be upfront with you about what they think about you, others won’t be. In this case, seeking feedback can be a proactive way for you to get to know yourself better. I know this can be scary, as we might not like what we hear, but sometimes, this is the only way we can learn about a specific aspect of our self.
If you’ve offended someone, ask them what you did to offend them. If you don’t know if you’ve done a task well, ask other people for input.
There’s no shame in asking for feedback. Regardless of what type of feedback you get, try to take it in a constructive way.
Self Awareness Development Tip #6: Listen to what your body/emotions tell you
Listening to what our body or our emotions are telling us is probably basic, but we are often unaware of them or we probably just ignore them…or perhaps we don’t understand what they’re telling us.
For me, I’ve learned that arguments really irritate me and that they give me negative energies, so now I try to end arguments as soon as possible. If it takes owning up to my mistake or just agreeing to disagree, I would rather do that than end up feeling low for days because of a prolonged conflict. I’ve learned that it makes me feel better to just move on than to hold on to grudges.
I also used to feel fatigued all the time despite getting a lot of sleep and eating well. I couldn’t figure out why until a friend suggested I go out. When I started going out and interacting with people more (I used to stay at home all the time), I realized that I felt less fatigued and that I was able to rest better.
Listen to what your body and feelings are telling you. They help guide you on the changes you need to make physically, mentally, or emotionally.
Self Awareness Development Tip #7: Try different ways of doing things
Always doing something the same way prevents you from discovering better ways of doing it. What works best for others may not work best for you, so it’s important for you to find that which will help you better accomplish something.
I’ve been trying to maintain/lose weight for so long and I’ve tried so many types of diets until I found one that works for me. As “scary” as the keto diet seemed in the beginning (it goes against the conventional beliefs about fat), I did try it and found that the keto diet works for me. I found that it’s the only diet that helps me effectively lose weight and keep it off.
I also used to think that I would never like working from home because it would be boring. But once I tried it, I realized that I liked working from home better and that it allows me to be more productive and efficient.
There are many ways to do something and trying different ways to accomplish it allows you find what works best for you, allowing you to maximize your potential.
Self Awareness Development Tip #8: Meet new people
The same goes for people. You get to learn the types of people you’ll get along or not get along with only when you take the time to meet different types of people. They also bring out different aspects of your personality.
Although I’m quiet and shy, I find that I enjoy the company of people who are funny or goofy, as I feel that they can make me feel more comfortable as opposed to being around someone who’s quiet and shy like me.
I also realized that I don’t talk too much when with friends who love to engage in small talk but that I get very talkative when engaging in intelligent conversations even with people I hardly know. I used to think that my quietness was just because I was shy, but I realized from meeting new people that my problem was that I didn’t know how to engage in small talk.
Meeting new people allows you to explore and discover many sides to your personality, which may not always come out when you’re with people within your circle.
Self Awareness Development Tip #9: Seek new experiences
Experiencing new things also allows us to learn a lot about ourselves—whether it’s engaging in new activities or trying out new things.
Trying different things allows you to discover the things that you like or dislike, along with your strengths, interests, etc.
As I’ve been pretty much a homebody all my life, I realized that I liked traveling only after I went on a trip to Bohol, one of the popular tourist spots in the Philippines. I always thought that traveling would be too tiring and unproductive, but I learned that although it was tiring, it was also very fulfilling and did a lot to renew my energy, which meant that it wasn’t an unproductive endeavor at all.
Also, when asked where I saw myself in five years during job interviews, I always answered that I saw myself holding a Senior or editorial post. I did become a Senior Technical Writer and I did end up performing editing tasks once I formed my team. I realized, though, that I didn’t like editing so much after all and that I preferred writing.
You’ll only truly know whether you like or dislike something once you try it.
Conclusion
Getting to know yourself is a lifelong process and one that you should invest in. By getting to know the different aspects of yourself, you’ll be able to better identify the areas you need to improve and change in order to become a better person.
In what ways do you get to know yourself? Do share in the comments below: